Daily Archives: April 1, 2012

For April, I bring the top comedy films…up first honorable mentions…

Humor. It’s probably one of the hardest things to define and understand. What is hilarious to some people is just boring to others. Probably no form of art is more dependent on education, personal experience, beliefs, and acquired tastes than humor (even with the highly subjective field of music you can appreciate great music even if it doesn’t move you, and we can more or less all agree what makes great music…not so much humor). So while I felt the need to do a list of great comedy movies (despite the complete lack of philosophical backing for them) (and it is a bit of a stretch putting them in April so as to go with April Fool’s Day is a bit of a stretch…although where would you have put it?) I will admit you may think these are all terrible films…but I enjoy them.

So let’s us begin with the honorable mention! In no particular order…

An odd tale of Christian Slater becoming a police special (a private police officer) to track down his brother’s killer in between speaking to the camera directly and making smartass comments to the audience. In between you get to see what in retrospect has to be the high point of Milla Jojovich’s acting career as his girlfriend and a villain with perhaps the strangest fashion sense of any character in any movie ever made.

The humor varies between subdued to just surreal, but overall it makes for a lot of good laughs in between some well done action.

The Zero Effect
What if Sherlock Holmes were a manic-depressive drug user with poor hygiene skills and no social skills with maybe a touch of borderline psychopath…oh wait, he was…okay I mean without any of the charm and grace that Downy Jr. or Cumberbatch bring to the part. Well you would have Bill Pulman’s Daryl Zero. Probably the most dysfunctional and off the wall interpretation of Sherlock Holmes…and his Watson played by Ben Stiller (whom I usually find dull and boring to be extremely entertaining in this) has none of the love and devotion we’ve come to expect from the side kick of the world’s greatest detective. I will admit this movie is very much hit and miss, people I know whom I usually agree with on many things in terms of humor find this movie pointless and a waste of film, while others love it. I enjoy it but I haven’t figured out what the makes this movie funny to some and not to others, if you have thoughts please share.

The Cheap Detective
A Neil Simon comedy that mixes up the plots of Casablanca, The Big Sleep, and The Maltese Falcon with Peter Faulk playing a mixture of all three of Bogey’s parts. Need I say more? Yes, why is this only an honorable mention and not in the list proper? Because while a lot of scenes are hilarious, the whole thing falls a little short.

A Night at the Opera/Animal Crackers
I felt putting more than one Marx Brothers movie in the actual list was a little unfair so these two got knocked down to honorable mention.

The Pentagon Wars
This is either a comedy or a tragedy…it deals with what it takes for a government bureaucracy to create a new machine…it’s sad and hilarious all at the same time. And the worst part is that it’s more or less true…

For some reason I like this version more than the original. I know I’m in the minority I don’t care.

It’s a mad, mad, mad, mad world
This is a great movie…the problem is that it runs too long and tries to stick too many jokes into too short a time and the movie actually runs just a little too long.

Support your Local Sheriff
This slapstick western has been forgotten by many, but I find it to be one of the funniest wastes of time you can find.

Hot Shots
A classic of the slapstick genre.

The Brother’s Bloom

A quirky little heist movie.

Mr. Blanding Builds His Dream House
Not Cary Grant’s best comedy, but certainly a good one about the hellish nature of dealing with your dream.

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Filed under Art, Humor

Weekly Meditation: Have a laugh

April.  Taxes.  The doldrums between holidays where you get a day off from work.  It’s not the most stress free time of the year.  So what is the meditation for the week?  Well in the tradition of April’s Fools be sure to have a good laugh every day this week.  Read a book you find funny (I would recommend something by Christopher Moore or Dave Barry) or watch a funny movie (I should have the list of top 30 comedies finished by the end of this week if you need a suggestion) but be sure to laugh. Laughter is an expression of happiness and joy and this always makes your life better.

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Annoy a liberal…the first in a ongoing series

This was just going to be a stupid quote of the day…but I realized I could do something more with it. So I’ve decided to start a list of things anyone can do to annoy liberals.  Why?  Because it’s fun.  This will be an ongoing series.

So a about a week ago a friend of mine posted on Facebook the latest Katy Perry music video.  I will admit that my musical tastes have always been a bit behind the times…but I found it enjoyable.

To me it struck me as a little odd that the military would be helping in what comes off a recruitment video while Obama is publicly saying he’s going to try and slash the budget to reduce the military to what would be an anemic level.  I thought that since the military brass probably had some inkling that his proposed cuts were coming then the generous level of help in this video was a not so subtle cue to Obama that it is our troops not drones and computers that make this the best fighting force in the world (but Obama would have to live in reality to realize that)…it also comes off as a bit of slap to people like Rick Santorum who think women have no place in the military and should just stay home barefoot and pregnant (I still say Santorum should try that line about women not being fit for combat to the face of any armed female member of the military and see how long he lasts).

But where I found something to like in this video…so much so that despite never having listened to anything else by Perry (at least not intentionally) I bought it because there is simply not enough being put out there that shows the members of the armed services as the badasses that they are.

But apparently I forgot how much liberals hate heroes and people who do what is right.

Enter liberal Naomi Wolf, liberal feminist (as opposed to a sane feminist who just believes that men and women should be equals) felt the need to make this useless point:

“I really want to find out if she was paid by them for making it . . . it is truly shameful. I would suggest a boycott of this singer whom I really liked — if you are as offended at this glorification of violence as I am.”

First it seems she thinks that the only reason people would choose to show the military in a positive light is because they’re being paid to…and not because, well, they live in reality.  I don’t know about the rest of you, but I wanted to be in the military, I couldn’t pass the physicals, but I wanted to be in the military and admire to no end those who did what I could not.  And I simply cannot understand the mindset of someone who does not find it honorable that someone chooses to put their life on the line to defend the rights of another.  And then she simply equates the military with violence.  Actually, idiot, the military is what protects us from violence, but I shouldn’t expect intelligence like that from a liberal.  Quite frankly Wolf’s outlook is just a little sick and perverted and just a bit dishonorable.

So, in order to annoy a liberal like Wolf and her ilk, if you like the song, I would suggest you go and buy a copy and then send her a “thank you for the recommendation” message…her contact information is here. Remember to be polite and just thank her for bringing this great music video to your attention.  The more polite and nice you are, the more it will drive her nuts.


Filed under People Are Stupid, politics, Stupid liberal quote of the day

April Fool’s Day News Flash: The Truth About Rick Santorum

Washington D.C., April 1

In a move that has shocked both the halls of Washington and Hollywood the actor who for the past 20 years has portrayed the character “Rick Santorum” has come out and admitted it was a long improv piece.

"It's all fake. There is no Rick Santorum. No one could be that dumb."

Originally inspired by his love of method acting and foreshadowing the work of Sasha Baron-Cohen and Joaquin Phoenix’s I’m still here, actor Richard Brooke (not to be confused with actor Richard Brook, although they are close friends and are of similar ethical character) today in a press conference admitted, “It was all a joke.”

“Honestly, do you really believe that there was a person that batshit crazy running for President?”

“Really I thought I would run for the Senate under a false name, get some great footage and be done in a month. “ Said Brooke, about his original plan. “I thought I could use it to show a talent agent that I could pull off a lunatic. I was trying to get a ‘defendant of the week spot’ on Law & Order.”

“When they elected me, I didn’t know what to do. At first I was afraid of being arrested for fraud…but then I thought, hell, why not see how long this can last.”

Brooke admitted that the early years were hard. Hiring other actors to help him maintain the illusion that “Rick Santorum” actually existed was “the hardest part” said Brooke. Brooke then went into a ten minute tirade about the media never doing its job in vetting candidates and how “like on Bewitched, nobody noticed when I changed secondary cast members out. It was weird, it was like the people voting for me were complete idiots who weren’t capable of understanding anything. Hell I could have said I admired accused child molesters and no one would have noticed.”

Brooke admits that the first terms in Congress were just fun. He said every day he would make up crazy things to say on the floor of the House, and then the Senate, trying to one up all the other members of Congress on the craziest thing said on the floor that day. Brooke admitted that most days he failed. “I’m an actor not a writer!” he said in his defense, “and writing farce is difficult.”

In one of the most stunning statements made during the press conference Brooke said that while portraying his Santorum character in the Senate he broke down and admitted his charade to other Senators. “To my great surprise,” Brooke says, “I was apparently not the only fraud in the Senate.” Brooke says that there are three other actors in the Senate who are only doing the job until their agent can get back to them. In addition to the actors Brooke also indicated that one Senator is actually a functional vegetable, having sustained a severe boxing injury that left him effectively brain dead, but with the odd ability to memorize speeches read to him and then repeat them on cue. Brooke refused to name this or any of the other impostors.

When asked what his inspirations were, Brooke answered: "I tried to mix the economic idiocy of Keynes with the humanity of Jack the Ripper topped off with the anti-American spirit and sanity of George III."

“Really there came a point during Bush’s term, that I got so tired of it I just wanted out and started voting for every liberal bill I could.” Calling his re-election campaign a successful attempt to impersonate a dimwitted asshole, the actor said his favorite moment was when he compared homosexual marriage to bestiality, “Honestly, I was half expecting someone to have me committed over that one. I mean, really, who would be psychotic enough to actually say that?”

Brooke said that while he didn’t miss the agonizing dull conversation of the Senate (according to Brooke even the ones who aren’t professional actors aren’t nearly as bright as they appear) he found it difficult to find work. Those in the know about his acting career would hire him occasionally to make speeches that his famous character might make. And while he enjoyed being paid six-grand to speak for Jews for Jesus, his favorite moment was a comedy routine performed at a Catholic college where he mercilessly mocked the extreme Fundamentalist Christian Right by parodying one of their fire and brimstone sermons decrying how Satan was out to destroy America. Coming up with that was just the most preposterous statements he suggested during the skit that Satan was behind the Founding Fathers, Protestantism, all mass media and the creation of the Constitution.

“I thought that routine was one of my better moments. Honestly you would have thought I really was a delusional psychopath if you didn’t know it was all an act,” Brooke added.

"It was hard holding a straight face half the time."

But in the early part of 2011, hard up for cash, after sales failed on his lengthy piece of satire It takes a Family: Conservatism and the Common Good (working title: Ravings of a Lunatic) Brooke said he had no choice but to don the character of Rick Santorum, and hopefully skim a little living expenses off of the campaign donations as he ran for President. “I was hoping to last a few months through this endeavor. But I also wanted to make it clear that I wasn’t a serious candidate. So I started out by insulting liberty and everything the country stood for. I mean really, what kind of conservative would ever use the word “common good” in the title of their book. I spent hours praising my character’s communist grandfather as if he was the greatest hero the world had ever known. I spent whole speeches insulting everything the Tea Party stood for. But no one called me on it. I really think we have a severe problem with the media in this country and their utter inability to fact-check anything.”

“I mean I went so far as to say individualism doesn’t work and has never worked in a country where individualism works. How did I not get called on this?”

Brooke says that even he got tired of having to top himself. “Really pretending I was so stupid I didn’t quite understand I had lost Michigan, I think was going a little too far, but I was just getting so tired of it all.”

"Look at this picture," Brooke commented, "if this guy actually existed the inanimate object would be the smartest thing in that shot."

About the last days of his campaign Brooke said, “I knew I was running out of material when I just had to stop pretending to believe in basic math. I got so desperate I borrowed a page from carrot top and started carrying around a prop everywhere I went.”

Now that he has come out about his secret Brooke says he intends to hang up the Rick Santorum character for good. His new plans are to move to Massachusetts with his long time fiancé Kerry Bruce and open a small restaurant and dinner theater operation.

“If I never see another sweater-vest again, it will be too soon.” Brooke said at the end of his press conference.


Filed under Humor, politics, Rick Santorum