After a draining week in politics and work…I was very relieved at tonight’s Romney victory…but still needed to get a little snark out so I turned to twitter….
And on twitter I saw@DinaFraioli tweeted
“The Eye of Sauron points to Ohio….”
so I responded
“Great, now I’m going to be spending all night putting the major political contenders in LOTR roles in my mind.”
believe it or not, there was no alcohol involved in this…it’s just trying to get publicity for Republicans and Reincarnation and keeping up blogging during an election year that I have almost no time for my other writing passion—writing fantasy novels. So this random little musing is making up for that loss in my life…I fully admit this is stupid and pointless, but it was a wonderful stress relief to write…and it’s disturbing how many parallels I was able to make. At the very least, I hope it gives you a small chuckle.
I would love to actually write this parody…but not sure I have the time…so settle for how you would cast “The Lord of the White House and the Return of the Conservative”
Standing in for the One Ring will of course be The White House. The thing all men desire but it corrupts even the best of men once they have it.
Obviously my Team Mitt bias will cast Romney as Aragorn. Dull, not always the best with words, reluctant to take a public position but he gets the job done.
Chris Christie and Paul Ryan as Gimli and Legolas, who will Romney’s trusted 2nds when he gets into the office.
Santorum, while he doesn’t look the part is clearly Sauramon. The guy who is supposedly on your side but clearly will do everything he can to destroy you and work for the great evil that wants to kill you. That would make all the right wing commentators in his camp the Urukai. (Also think of the pompous way both Sauramon and Santorum both talk down to people. On the one hand you have a wizard having no faith in anyone, and on the other you have a lawyer telling everyone else that they’re not good enough to have a degree, they’re just not smart enough to get one. But remember Romney supporter are snobs.)
Newt reminds me of Merry. Nice. No self control . Says and does just crazy shit. You like him but you wouldn’t want to trust him leading the army. Herman Cain can be Pippin. They’re roughly the same shape as hobbits too.
Michele Bachmann is of course Eowyn. The woman you do not want to mess with.
Ron Paul is Denethor…the old crazy guy who may have once been on your side, but will betray you to the foreign enemy when you most need him by your side. Which would make Rand, Faramir.
Obama is of course Sauron. Which would make Reid, Pelosi, DWS, and Alexrod Orcs…which honestly they kind of look like it. Jay Carney does kind of look like the mouth of Sauron…
The eye now looks to Ohio and that it's minion Santorum may win...
I see Ann Coulter as Galadriel, the one who sees the truth of things.
The ever present ghost of Reagan is of course Gandalf…
The American public will be taking the roles of Sam and Frodo…entrusted with destroying the evil of Sauron
Sarah Palin…well with all her backstabbing and self-promoting and trying to destroy the party through a brokered convention just so she can get the nomination without having to run…you can just see her outside the gate staring at the White House going “My precious.” I do not however see Sarah as having as much a role in life as Golum did, certainly not doing any end of life redemptive acts…