Using the Paul Krugman Method to solve all our problems…

It’s been too long since I made fun of Paul Krugman (it’s also too easy, but it’s fun) so for old times’ sake I thought I’d look up what his latest argument was.

It can be boiled down as such

1.        The economy has always been shit and we never really got out of the recession.

2.       The Republicans are idiots for worrying about deficits.

3.       Obama needs to focus on creating jobs (which is another way of saying spend more money).

It’s always fun to look into the universe of Paul Krugman because it’s a world where the economy is driven by pretty pink unicorns and cause and effect have absolutely no relationship to each other, and unlike the universe that you and I live in facts aren’t things that are permanent—in Krugman’s world 1+1 can equal 2 on Monday, 5 on Tuesday and whatever number the die says it does on Wednesday.  Just look at point one.  For the last couple of years Krugman insulted and ridiculed conservatives who said that Obamanomics wasn’t working, yet today, yes, the economy is shit and it’s all the GOP’s fault.

But it’s points 2 and 3 that are really funny.  Paul’s argument for the last few months has been on this line that deficits aren’t a problem, after all it’s not like a country ever went bankrupt because it went too far into debt (France before the Revolution, the Weimar Republic, Greece, Italy, Spain, Ireland, Portugal, in fact most of the EU)..nope that’s never happened.  And the Republicans are obviously idiots for looking to history (and the front page) for thinking that deficits are a problem.  Complete morons—obviously.

No our problem is jobs creation, which is a fancy way of saying more stimulus.  Because the last couple of trillion dollars stimulus packages worked so well.  Now you may look at the abysmal failures that were the last two stimulus packages (enacted by the dual team of mentally handicapped executives: Bush and Obama) and think that clearly government spending is useless at best and destructive to the very fabric of the economy at worst.  But not that genius Paul Krugman.  Paul is so much smarter than mere mortals like you and I that he knows the problem was that we didn’t spend enough.  It’s so clear when you think about it.  Nearly $2 Trillion in spending made the economy worse, got our bonds downgraded and made every company insanely afraid to do anything lest they got taxed and regulated.  But if we just spent more it would solve everything.

Having seen the wisdom of Krugman’s ways I want to know what this truly sage wisdom and line of thinking would look like in other fields…

“Your building collapsed because it had no foundation”

Architect Paul Krugman: “We just need to build 5 more stories on top and it will be fine.”

“You can’t grow citrus trees this far North.”

Farmer Paul Krugman: “Nonsense, it just needs more water.”

“Your patient died because you never bothered to actually treat his cancer.”

Doctor Paul Krugman: “Fool, you just need to put more penicillin into the corpse and it will be fine.”

“Mr. Krugman you were going 50 miles over the speed limit”

“But if I had been going faster it would have been fine, Officer.”

“The reactor is overheating!”

Nuclear Physicist Paul Krugman: “Well then we just need to open the fuel rods even further.”

“I’m 50K in debt and all my creditors are hounding me every second.”

Personal Accountant Paul Krugman: “Well isn’t it obvious, you need to buy a house several levels above what your income could ever theoretically pay for, and maybe a new Ferrari to go along with it.”

Truly we have much to learn from this near divine guru…

Or maybe we could do the exact opposite of what he says and maybe save ourselves from complete disaster

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2 Comments

Filed under Debt, Economics, Paul Krugman is an idiot

2 responses to “Using the Paul Krugman Method to solve all our problems…

  1. Matt

    Well put! I consider it a great comfort that Krugmerica only exists on a page in the New York Times. It’s a shame there are people who believe he’s objective and his ramblings have any merit. I’m sure it’s the same people that believe the way to reduce healthcare costs is to let the government take care of it. Again, you need only look at the current state of Social Security and Medicare to know how that story ends. Yes voters, go back to sleep. Congress has everything under control, just push the button to get your food pellets.

  2. anonymous

    hahahahahah those jokes made me laugh for 10 minutes at least

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