Ever since November I have been subject to a string of my liberal friends bemoaning the fact that gay marriage bills didn’t pass or with news about new ones that are coming up. I have to hear numerous statement about how America is backwards and how this is a violation of civil rights…blah blah blah (I’m not trying to demean the argument…yet…I’m just trying to save space and we all know how this particular rant goes). On the flip side before November I had to listen to screeds from my conservative friends on how this was social engineering; how this was going too far, too fast; how this was forcing beliefs on people… blah blah blah. (I would like to point out here that if you knee-jerk associate the words “conservative” and “bigot” you are an idiot, most conservatives make rational arguments, or at least ones that sound rational on first glance).
Both sides have very legitimate points.
Both sides are stupid beyond words.
I’m going to attack the liberals first (this was a decision literally decided by coin toss, because I do hate both side on this argument). Is this a civil rights issue? Is it really? Power of attorney, hospital visitation, inheritance (with some glaring exception that I will admit) rights, joint property…that can all pretty much be obtained, even in places that don’t offer that under the civil partnerships. You might then claim that healthcare benefits aren’t usually guaranteed…and I’ll grant that, the legal requirement that demands employers give benefits to your spouse won’t be instituted unless your relationship is recognized as a marriage…but then again I argue forcing employers to give benefits to spouses is unethical, beyond the appropriate power of a government, and it hurts small businesses…. so the hell if I’m going to argue in favor of extending something I’m against. It would like arguing if one person has a malignant tumor then everyone should have one. Furthering economic suicide is usually not my thing.
So then the argument goes that you still deserve to be recognized as a married couple. Recognized by whom? You can have any piece of paper and the legal sanction you want and bigots are still going to be bigots. And you can lack a piece of paper and sane people will recognize your relationship as a marriage, legal or not. Maybe it’s the legal recognition you need. But let me say if you need a government’s recognition for any relationship you have with another human being—if you actually need the government’s permission to love a person (which is what this is asking for)—then you have some serious psychological issues. (I think applies more to the straight people who yell the loudest in favor of gay marriage, as opposed to many gay people I know who would rather just live their life and not give rat’s ass what the government thinks about them).
There are other arguments in favor of gay marriage, but I’ll save us some time. I think that they are primarily stupid too.
Social Conservatives (I differentiate here because I feel true conservatism just doesn’t care about an issue like this), your turn to be shown to be morons.
Honestly now, in a 100 years is gay marriage going to be legal everywhere? Yeah it is. Why fight the inevitable. Because gay marriage is an affront to marriage, the call goes…. to which I respond not any more than the divorce and adultery rates in this country among straight marriages. At this point one of two things happens either what I get here are some bizarre arguments about polygamy and bestiality—but really while I think gay marriage will eventually be accepted because in the end, (no one wants to deny two people who are love the right to be married because we can all understand that), I don’t think even a decent minority will ever be able to understand those other forms of relationships (and I use the word very loosely there) so I think we’re safe. … (and if a good portion of America could accept polygamy or bestiality then we will be having far more serious issues than who can marry whom). So most of the conservative arguments are pretty stupid (unless I heard someone make the economic healthcare argument, but I seem to be the only one who makes that, so conservatives are idiots too)…
…But I said one of two things happens. The other argument conservatives make is about social engineering. And this is a difficult point to dismiss because they’re not entirely wrong here. And let me explain what I mean. I don’t think most people would have a problem with homosexual marriage in a vacuum. But when you pile the rather tactless things called gay pride parades (the most insightful look at gay pride parades has ironically been done by The Onion), and teaching Kindergartner’s about homosexuality (because most of us don’t think it’s appropriate to teach children that young about anything even remotely related to sex), and the fact that pretty much 2/3’s of the people allowed on TV are crazy and do not represent the main stream beliefs of any group they claim to represent—including the people who advocate for gay rights, and a myriad of other programs and policies the movement for equality seems to come on a little strong. Human beings don’t like change, doesn’t matter if it’s logical or not, people resist change…they’ll begrudgingly go along if they see a rational reason for change, but when you give them a rational excuse not to (like the arguably radical insanity that the California Dept. of Education wants to add to elementary school education in teaching homosexuality) they’ll dig in their heels. Add into it claims that government is forcing churches to accept gay marriage…is it really that hard to understand why an average person would feel “Okay we need to slow down here.” And they dig in their heels and refuse to make any more changes. It’s a semi-rational response, it may not be completely right but it is understandable.
Moreover, after this happens then both sides decide to play a game of “Who can be the bigger idiot” because each side in this has all the maturity of a two year old… And they have to not so much get what they want, or even prove that they’re right, they just have to prove the other person wrong and force them to choke on being wrong…which of course leads to really rational behavior on both sides. Each trying to push the other further. The gay rights community pushes further, doing stupid things like denying funds to the funds to church run programs designed to help the less fortunate because the church in question doesn’t accept gay marriage (note this isn’t an argument that the government shouldn’t be giving money to churches or even in the welfare business at all its just that we won’t support those churches that will actually stand by their beliefs, and actually it comes off as trying to force churches to change their beliefs). This insanity leads to more insanity, which causes the conservatives to do stupid things like write stupid constitutional amendments banning gay marriage. We all know how this plays out.
And this little farce of name calling will go on until one side grows up and asks not so much of how to I make “them” lose, but asks how can we both win…
…And when you’re ready to grow up I already have the answer for you….
…. Wait for it…
…Civil Partnerships for everyone! We will strike the words marriage from every legal code in existence, in all 50 states, various territories, and all federal codes. Any two people can enter into a civil partnership because it will be little more than a basic legal contract. It will come with all the benefits of marriage but it will not be called marriage. Thus legally everyone is equal. Marriage will be a function of the church, and it’s up to your church to decide who it will marry and who it won’t. Now people can call their relationship a marriage if they want even if they haven’t had a church sanction it, because you have freedom of speech (how many people call themselves Christians without living up to a single tenet of the religion?) But no one is receiving a “sanctioned” religion outside of what churches approve…so no one should be saying marriage is being ruined…if anything it makes it only a religious act, which is what I thought it was supposed to be. Hell you could even get married without the legal paperwork…but in the end everyone has what they wanted. It’s a win/win.
But I predict both sides of this debate will continue to be idiots.